Denny Crane for President

Step aside John McCain, say goodbye Sarah...there is a new Republican candidate in town...

Boston Legal the Final Season: Will Crane, Poole & Schmidt go under? Will Denny Crane live?

Boston Legal, the sexy, sassy, politically charged courtroom thriller starring James Spader, William Shatner and Candice Bergen is in its final season.


How will it all end?? Will Crane Poole and Schmidt dissolve? Will Alan be disbarred? Will Denny Crane die?

If you've missed out on the first five episodes of the season here is a quick recap:

SPOILER ALERT! (If you're like my good friend and watch Boston Legal on DVD (so you are behind) STOP READING!!

Episode 501--"Smoke Signals:" Alan Shore takes on Big Tobacco, and of course, wins ($2.6 Million to be exact) :) Denny had some difficulty "saluting the flag" or as he put it "my junk doesn't work" and to help him with his "issue" Shirley Schmidt lends Denny her high school cheer leading uniform.

Episode 502--"Guardians and Gatekeepers:" In the opening scene Denny Crane almost collapses and almost dies from the toxic interactions of the 28 different prescriptions he is taking (he of course is self-proscribing these and buying them on the Internet) Alan Shore has to give him mouth to mouth (...Denny was later disappointed that Shirley did not step up to give him the kiss of life)
Since Denny nearly died, Alan Shore decides to take on Big Pharmaceuticals. Why not? He just beat Big Tobacco the week before. I support it. Alan manages to fend off a motion to dismiss--so it's go time. I'm sure we'll see more of this case throughout the season.

Episode 503--"Dances with Wolves:" As a man attempts to mug Denny and Jerry, Denny Crane shoots him (oops, he did it again) three times in self-defense. Denny is arrested (that's right, again) for carrying a concealed firearm--well technically for carrying about 5 concealed weapons and a blowtorch in his pants when they arrested him. Denny wants Carl Sack and Jerry to defend him (he thinks Alan is too "anti-gun").

Notable quotes of that week go to Denny (of course)...

Denny's trial is all about how he did not have a permit to carry a concealed weapon. When asked why he did not have a permit Denny responds...Well, I had a note from Dick Cheney."

While he was on the stand during cross examination, Denny is asked how he possibly thinks that the Constitution gives him a right to carry a concealed weapon Denny responds...
"Look, the Constitution says whatever the Supreme Court says it says and what the Supreme Court says depends on who is president. Let's face it, when you've got a president who loves guns and a vice president who hunts lawyers and quail, you'll have a right to shoot people in the knee."

Ultimately Denny prevails, much to his dismay because he was really hoping to go to the Supreme Court to get Big Tony and the Big 5 to find a constitutional right to carry a concealed weapon.

Episode 504--"True Love" Alan's ex girlfriend Phoebe (who Alan is very much still in love with much to his chagrin) calls on him to defend her husband in a murder case. The husband was accused of murdering his nurse (who he had previously had an affair with--yup things are getting spicy). The husband's only alibi is his wife, who of course says that he was home all night and did not leave the house. Alan tells Phoebe that she is going to have to do a much better job convincing the jury of her husband's innocence than she did convincing him. (You can tell Alan doesn't believe the guy is innocent, he clearly doesn't even like the guy and secretly hopes he is found guilty so that Phoebe can go back to him).
On the stand Alan asks Phoebe "did your husband leave the house that night?" MUCH to his surprise Phoebe hesitates and then says "yes he did." Alan calls for a recess to confer with his client and then talk to Phoebe--furious that Phoebe did not tell him of her plan to tell "the truth."

After talking with the husband, they all return to the courtroom. Back on the stand Alan accuses Phoebe of killing the nurse--saying that she had the motive and opportunity to do it and that is why she was so eager to get up on the stand and accuse her husband--so she could get away with murder--expressing his own disgust that she would use her "ex-boyfriend" to try to get away with murder. She denies the murder.

The jury finds the husband not guilty. The husband thanks Alan and Alan remarks that "well, I'm assuming you won't see Phoebe anytime soon" when Phoebe walks in his door. Turns out that it was all part of Phoebe and her husband's plan--the husband did in fact do it.
This episode was crazy! I definitely thought that the wife did it--threw me for a loop!

Episode 505--"The Bad Seed:" Alan and Shirley take on the Army after a man's brother dies in a military hospital due to the doctor's admitted negligence--after being wounded in Iraq he is taken to the medical hospital and was recovering until the doctors gave him improper medication and improperly placed a breathing tube in him---after 15 minutes of pumping air into his stomach, he died. Even though military hospitals are immune, they decide to challenge the doctrine and manage to get past a motion to dismiss. ...BUT, not before Denny and Alan get a chance to bet on the outcome of the case (loser pays $100,000.00 and the money goes to the troops). Unfortunately, Denny decides to tell the clerk of the judge in the case (oops, his bad--mad cow?). The judge finds out and says he is going to recommend that Alan is disbarred! Alan is furious with Denny. Denny comes to Alan in a moment of weakness and admits to Alan that he is "slipping," that everything has gotten more "foggy" lately.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jerry's sister comes to him with a problem. Jerry's nephew (who is a sperm donor baby) may be dating his half sister! Turns out, the girlfriend is also a sperm donor baby, who just happens to come from the same sperm bank, who just happens to look exactly like him. So, Jerry tries to force the bank to reveal the identity of the donor to no avail. He then takes the matter to a judge and the judge says that the bank does not have to reveal the identity of the father(s) but does have to tell the kids if they do have the same father. Turns out, yup, they definitely came from the same Dad!

Well, that gets you up to speed. How will it all end??????? Well, as an avid fan of the show from day 1, I see no possible way for it to end other than in one last balcony scene with Denny and Alan--sipping on scotch and smoking cigars.

BUT who knows...we'll see. To be continued.

On that note...

Open Forum Post: Does anybody know a good lawyer for ...?

I have a ... friend ... that needs a lawyer for ... uh ... lawyer malpractice suit.  Any recommendations?  I'm thinking about one of these two guys:

Here's hoping Nick George CALI'd in Legal Professions

Spoiler alert: Don't keep reading if you haven't seen the new episode of Dirty Sexy Money.

Whoa.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

And here I was, in the first few minutes of DSM's first episode of the season, thinking that I was going to have to blog about Nick playing mediator to Patrick and Tripp.  Ugh.

Ethical issues are so much more fun than father-son ADR.  Was anyone else having flashbacks to Legal Professions when Nick walked into Patrick's penthouse and found Ellen's dead body?  First thought: Nick is already their lawyer, so if Patrick had really killed Ellen, he wouldn't have been able to say a word.

Second thought:  Or would he?  He just saw the body.  Granted, he only came over because Patrick and Tripp called him.  Does that count as a "communication?"

Third thought: What about when they asked him to take the body out to the country house and burn it down with her inside?  Um, I may be wrong, but I think that fits into the felony-exception.  True, Nick's participation in the elaborate cover-up wasn't a mandatory (the Darling men had Clark the chauffeur do the deed as soon as Nick split) ... so maybe not.

Fourth thought: Nick represents the Darling family.  Does that mean he represents Patrick specifically and individually?  What about the fact that Patrick's interests are now at odds with the rest of the Darling family?  Is that a big enough loophole for anyone out there?  Anyone?

Anywho, I don't know how to come out on this.  Patrick didn't murder Ellen, but he definitely broke some laws.  Off the top of my head ... fraud, conspiracy, arson, obstruction of justice, and the always-fun desecration of a corpse.  Nick knows about it, but he's Patrick's lawyer.  WHAT IS OUR IDEALISTIC LAWYER TO DO???

And then Dirty Sexy Money took it up a notch—as soon as the cop chopper showed up, I knew that Nick wouldn't have ratted out Tripp and Patrick.  But arresting Leticia for the murder of Dutch George!?  I must say, the scene of her being led away in handcuffs, calling Nick's name for help, was heart-breaking.

So where does all this leave our intrepid lawyer hero?  Granted, this is a show that features gratuitous limo sex, but DSM writers can't really expect Nick to defend the woman accused of murdering his dad.  True, Nick probably believes—like I do—that Leticia is innocent, and the defendant should get her choice of counsel ... but REALLY?

Sound off on Nick's ethical issues in the comments section below, boys and girls.  And then let's all take a moment and mourn for dearly departed Ellen Darling, pictured above.

Random thoughts:

Did Lisa really manage to lay all the blame at Nick's feet after he caught her making out with Jeremy Darling?  Yup, sure did.

Favorite moment of the night:  When Tripp asked Brian to counsel his sister-in-law Ellen, the former reverend replied that he left the church to focus on the family business so he would no longer have to pretend to care about the problems of others.  "When you sent me to Munich to close down that factory and fire all those people, that was fun."

Season Two of Dirty Sexy Money premiers tonight on ABC!  OK, I know, this show wasn't the biggest hit last year—I blame it on the relatively cheestatic name, and the way the TV announcer would draw it out as long as possible (Drrrrrrrty ... Sexxxxxxxy ... Monnnnnney).  But people, really, give it a chance.  Jackie would want you to.

For all those who didn't catch on last season, here's a little cheat-sheet to get caught up by tonight at 10/9 central:

Nick George:

Nick is an idealistic lawyer with a blah wife and a cute kid.  His dad, Dutch George, was also a lawyer, and worked exclusively for the wealthy Darling family.  Nick grew up with the Darling kids, resenting them and his father for how much time Dutch spent on the family's business.  When Dutch was killed (possibly murdered), Nick took on the Darlings as clients so he could use their resources to look into his father's death.

Key questions for Nick this season: Will he be able to maintain his idealism and ethics while working for the Darlings?  Will Nick ever get to the bottom of his father's mysterious demise?  Will he dump his boring wife already?  And when is he going to get those sideburns under control?

Nina George:

Seriously, seriously so boring.  She's insecure and oddly flighty, buying ridiculous art one second and forcing her well-paid attorney husband to paint their living room over Thanksgiving the next.  Plus, is anyone else bothered by the fact that Nick and Nina have basically the EXACT SAME HAIRCUT?

Key questions for Nina this season: Will she grow a personality any time soon?  And really, do she and Nick think that popping out another kid will solve their problems?

Tripp Darling:

The patriarch of the Darling family, Tripp wants to encourage his children to use the wealth he's given them to better the world.  Dutch George was Tripp's best friend, and despite learning some rather unpleasant facts about his bud last season, Tripp still holds Dutch's memory in the highest regard.   Tripp also views Nick as another son.

Key questions for Tripp this season: Good guy?  Bad guy?  Who even cares?  I just hope we get several more scenes of a drunk Tripp Darling imparting wisdom to his wayward children.

Leticia Darling:

Leticia Darling is the devoted wife of Tripp Darling ... and the secret lovah of Dutch George.  Oh, snap!  Despite being a decades-long adulteress, Leticia is devoted to Tripp and wildly protective of her five children.  Tripp may come off as a big cuddly teddy bear, but there's a reason all the Darling kids go to Leticia when they've got a problem.

Key questions for Leticia this season: Will she really help daughter Karen break up Nick and Nina's marriage?  And if so, does she need any more volunteers?

Patrick Darling:

Patrick is the eldest Darling child, married to Ellen Darling, and father of some unseen children.  (I love it when kids don't start taking over a grown-ups show ... cough, cough, Heroes, cough.)  Patrick faces a lot of pressure in trying to live up to his father's expectations, and is running for U.S. Senate for the state of New York.  Patrick has turned to Tripp's nemesis Simon Elder for help in breaking away from his father's control.  He's also having an affair with a transsexual named Carmelita, who disappeared at the end of last season.  This resulted in Ellen shooting him in the leg at the family cabin.

Key questions for Patrick this season: Will he and Tripp reconcile?  And what happened to poor Carmelita?  Did Tripp kidnap her?  Did Ellen?  DID PATRICK????

Oh, yeah, and how is that Senate race thing going?

Brian Darling:

Remember that affair Leticia and Dutch were having?  Well, the funny thing about adultery is that it can lead to some sticky paternity issues...which is where the Rev. Brian Darling comes in.  Yup, the guy who spent most of last season telling our boy Nick how much he hated him is, in fact, Nick's half-brother. If I had to pick a favorite Darling, it's a tough call between Brian and Karen.  "What about when he forced his illegitimate child to pretend to be a Swedish orphan?" you ask.  "What of it?" I reply.  I don't think DSM had a funnier moment than when Brian tried to buy his kid from his former mistress during a custody hearing.  I agree, three million dollars is a very respectable offer.

Key questions for Brian this season:  How is he handling the transition of leaving the church and joining the family business?  Are he and Nick ever going to start getting along?  And how is Brian Junior (aka Gustav) doing in Brazil?

Karen Darling:

The eldest Darling daughter is a four-time divorcee who is still in love with her childhood sweetheart, Nick.  And let's be honest, folks—don't we all pretty much think Nick is still in love with her, too, despite his many protests?  Although she comes off as hilariously airheaded, Karen is the most capable Darling child, as her father rightly noted.  Though it's never been stated, there is plenty of evidence suggesting that daddy's girl Karen is the behind-the-scenes show-runner of the Darling Empire.

Key questions for Karen this season:  Will she ever be successful at winning Nick back?  And if Nick and Karen were engaged back when they were eighteen, why did they ever break up?  And how is that whole corporate spying/illicit affairing going with Simon Elder?

Jeremy Darling:

Arguably the most irresponsible Darling—which, given all the explanation that has gone before, is really saying something.  Yet whether Jeremy is tempting fate by dangling off the Brooklyn Bridge, sleeping with his twin sister's frenemy, or lying about his name/background/occupation to his newest flame, Jeremy is a total snooze.  No wonder he and Nina have such chemistry.

Key questions for Jeremy this season: If he does achieve his lifelong dream of launching into space, will I find it as boring as when he was arrested on a stolen yacht full of illegal immigrants?

Juliet Darling:

As much as I liked Juliet Darling, I'm relieved to hear that she's been downgraded from series regular to recurring character.  DO YOU SEE HOW LONG THIS BLOG POST IS?  In an overstuffed cast, Juliet's siblings' storylines were far more interesting than hers, including dullsville Jeremy's.  Bring Juliet back for the occasional comic relief—her "twintuition" could kick in if Jeremy ever falls down a well.  But that's it.

Simon Elder:

Much like Tripp Darling himself, this "richest man on earth" (dang, that must stick in Tripp's craw) prompts the question—Good guy?  Bad guy?  And also like Tripp, the answer is, "Beats me."  But in any event, I hope Blair Underwood smooth-talking entrepreneur is around more often this season.  No one else can play the antagonist to Nick and the Darlings' wackiness but this Russian-speaking son of ex-patriots bazillionaire.  Oh, and did I mention he used to be married to a Kenyan PRINCESS?  I didn't even know there were Kenyan princesses.