Tuesday, September 30, 2008

2008 Sexiest Supreme Court Justices

After hours of drinking, name-calling, heated debate, and crying in the committee room, Jackie Chiles Law Society has made our selections for the 2008 sexiest Supreme Court Justices.

#5. Anthony McLeod Kennedy

Kennedy said he was happy to swing into the 5-4 group of sexiest Justices. He describes himself as a flirt who likes to "frustrates some constitutional law scholars by often forgoing conventional methods of explaining my holdings and instead relying on vivid prose and unusual philosophy." Political conservatives have criticized him for regularly referring to European law, "but that's just how I roll," explains Kennedy. "Besides, the ladies love it when I get all European on those holdings."

#4. John Paul Stevens.

Some people think Gerald Ford was a do-nothing president, but teen girls are not likely to be among them. Stevens, the longest sitting Justice, was appoint by Ford in 1975.

"The bow-tie does seem to drive women wild," sheepishly admits Stevens. "And I like to give the ladies what they like in conservative moderation."

#3. Clarence Thomas

This bad boy of the court has faced some rough allegations. It wouldn't be fair for us to speculate, but let's just say if the crime is being sexy, the verdict is guilty as charged (8-1, with Scalia dissenting because "sexy" is never mentioned in the Constitution).

#2. Ruth Joan Bader Ginsberg

Don't dismiss her because of her demure appearance. "I'm bader than most people would think," says Justice Ginsberg. When pressed to explain the "what," "when," and "how" of her wild side, she would only reply, "Were I to rehearse here what I would say and how I would reason on such questions, I would act injudiciously".

#1. John Glover Roberts Jr.

It's no wonder how this boy wonder made Chief Justice so quickly. "He has a smile that won't quit for days," admitted George W. Bush. This former steel man and football captain also managed to graduate magna cum laud, which sources tell us is Latin for "too much sexy."

At 52 years young, there might be a conservative lock on the sexiest Justice for some time to come.

(Honorable Honorable Mention: David Hackett Souter, who would've beat out Kennedy if his "elfiness" was taken down a notch.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love it! Roberts is definitely #1, but where's Scalia? You left out the sexy italian!